So, anyway, yes, New Year - and the second in a series of columns (the first being Christmas Eve) when it's traditional to write bugger all about anything important, safe in the knowledge that no one is reading.
But what to write in a week when nobody's reading? It's a tricky question and last night, hurtling towards my deadline and still absolutely bereft of inspiration, I decided to click over to the websites of the Daily Mail and The Sun to see how professional journalists deal with the problem. And sure enough there it was - a ruse so simple I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it myself.
"Shameless Jonathan Ross still joking about Andrew Sachs messages" screamed the headline on the Mail's site.
Brilliant. An entire story created out of the fact that Jonathan Ross has a Twitter account, and occasionally uses it to make quite funny jokes about his personal situation.
Meanwhile, Sun hack Cara Lee went one better, hacking out not one, but two pieces from that same non-story under the headlines 'Ross jokes about Sachs' and 'Ross: I'm having so much fun'. And never one to switch dead horses mid-flog, the paper then passed the bloodied news baton to Julie Burchill who wrote a whole column starting with yet another of @wossy's Twitter updates and ending with her calling Ross "a big ugly baby". The woman is nothing if not self-aware.
Friday, 2 January 2009
The dead horse needs another flogging
The Guardian/Paul Carr: